Homecoming

"Look back only long enough to say goodbye, even blow a kiss, sending a greeting of good riddance to all the stuff that is best left, there in the past. But don't forget your sunglasses, as you will need them for the bright and shiny road ahead. And, as a favorite song welcomes you back to yourself, each new step will feel light, and right, even familiar, and comfortable, as your favorite t-shirt. It's how you'll know you're on your way...home. Courage will take you there. Instinct will guide you there. And love will beckon you there. It's called living, and it's an all or nothing sorta thing. "ALL IN" screams your soul, while mediocrity pulls annoyingly at your pant leg. "Kick mediocrity in the ass" says I, and I, who am I, you ask? Why I am you. The you who, comforted your cries in the dark corners of loneliness. The you who, carried in my hands, the hopes that you sent out to the wind, to make sure they had a safe place to land. The you who, heard your siren songs of telling dreams. I’ve been with you all along. And I’m here to remind you, that you’re stronger than you think you are, more beautiful than the most exquisite of birds, and more cherishable than your most imagined treasure told. Let go. Let go. Let go. Let go…those burdens keeping you from me. I am you, pure…and this homecoming is your soul’s lifesaving deep breath. "All in" now faintly screams your voice, pushed up from your knowing soul. All in. All in. All in. All in…you stronger cry, while tasting the sweetness of those victorious tears. And, so my most dearest of friends, breathe in this amazing aliveness, filling your lungs with the richness of your deepest yearning, and take my hand, ol' friend...because the view from the other side, is some kind of spectacular! Welcome home. Welcome home. Welcome home. Welcome home...my beautiful whole friend. Please stay, and become a stranger no more.” - Ryan Roxley

Lost and Found

"As to the how it is often my mystery, yet today I arrived here, back at the beginning. Lost. And tired. So very tired. Wandered a lonely while, thirsty through the heavied desert 'til, from beyond the shadows, heard a call of my name. Faking an interested face I follow, lured by the dark shadows - I am comfortable in the dark. Following. Turning a corner, a corner lined with trees. Green trees. Familiar trees. And, more tired, I bask in their life-breathing shade. Stronger then, venture into the forest's haloed hollows and by sun, shining through reaching limbs, I am warmed, not even realizing that I was cold - oh I was so cold. Continuing, I follow the summoning, even loving, voice, leaving the safety of the darkness behind. Arriving at a river's edge, a nonweathered face looks back at me. A peaceful face. A beautiful face. And I hear the voice. I know this voice, sounding familiarly…me. It was me? It was me. It was always me...in those telling eyes! Afraid, looking away briefly. Turning back, I am met with a smile. Wow, what a smile! I remember that smile. There was a time that I liked to smile. I was there? I was there. I was always there...in that invincible smile! In the still. Wanting to run, but stopped by a laugh. Startled by it at first. It had been so long since that laugh, yet I am brought home by the sweetness of that laugh. I was laughing? I was laughing. I was always in the laughing...that contagious laugh! And there, then, what was lost was found in the reverent reunion. And I was no longer a stranger to myself." - Ryan Roxley

ALIVE

All alone in a room of many, staring eyes fall over me,
Though my breath had never spoken, all the horrors I feel they see,
The staining of my body and the ravaging of my soul,
Just to make it without running, my all encompassing goal.

Black lashes pinched with wetness, dimpled cheeks to catch my tears,
Hollow eyes once full of light, now dry and lifeless, harbored fears,
I cry a barren cry, "OH GOD!", my voice hoarse and near retreat,
When purity rang throughout my being, my truth I got to meet.

A beckoning home, my knowing soul, pulls me into I,
A swell of wholeness deep within, a new impassioned cry,
Entranced in thirsted love, and fully freshening my air,
"ALIVE", now so alive, again and light within my stare.

- Ryan Roxley

Poem by Joseph Porter

A life started so pure, then my cause went astray,
Found innocence gone, with each punch I was gave,
Parents talk of their love, given solely and free,
Then why the abuse, given only to me.

I loved and I cared, for you two as the one,
Did it help you in life, to beat down on your son,
Did you think with the pain, that you gave to this kid,
That your own life of pain, you would finally be rid.

Well it didn't work out, I hope this you can see,
And I'm lost and I'm scared, dad you did this to me,
And I want you to know, this stands full in my life,
That I'll never be you, with my kid's and my wife.

----Joseph Porter

Badges of Honor

Badges of honor, my scars I wear, having after they wore me. My battle deaf cry rang screamed into one, who I was all the one who mattered it be heard. Wetted steps in dark, treaded, lonely but not alone walks, reflecting tears lit my way. Loathing the dirty pulling, I forged forward and pushed mightfully against the staining pull. And crossing safety's borderline, I RAN, being sure to leave the shadows in my wake. - Ryan Roxley

You've Got a Friend

28 years.  28 years is how long it took for me to be able to listen to James Taylor, ANY James Taylor song, without wanting to vomit.  My perp drove a "heavy chevy" poop brown color (how fitting for such a BLEEP) and he would, ENDLESSLY, play James Taylor 8-tracks (long before mp3's, CD's and even cassette tapes, for you young pups...Google it). 

I remember shopping in the mall in my hometown, around age 16, and had been shopping in Contempo for hours and finally was in line to pay, and a James Taylor song came on the store's overhead music system - and I had to dump all the clothes and get the hell out of there!  This is only one story of many, like the time that I was in my boyfriend's car in the back seat, with his parents driving, and had to gag down the strength for an hour drive to the beach, while they listened to "James Taylor Greatest Hits"...I mean, how to even begin to explain to them why I needed it TURNED OFF!  So, I said nothing, and ate nothing that day, fearing that the ride home would be much like the ride there - it was.

I'm fine now, in fact James Taylor and I...we're buds!  Even spending time together some mornings on my iPod, my friend James Taylor and I.  I kinda feel like, James and I, we got the last laugh.  His distinguishable voice carries me to a place of humor now, using his words from his famous song "You've Got a Friend"...

"People can be so cold
They'll hurt and desert you
Well they'll take your soul if you let them
Oh but don't let them"

Don't Let Them...DON'T LET THEM...hmmm.  I don't really remember giving my perp permission to take ANYthing from me, especially my soul!  If only I could have heard and taken in James' words 28 years ago, then maybe pieces of my soul wouldn't have been taken.  But, ya know what, I found them and took them BACK!  So, yeah, James, my buddy and I, bob our heads with a nod and a smile to the rhythm of peace on the open road {here}.  Victim - 1  Perp - 0...not that I'm keeping score, but I just sure do like knowing that I overcame the urge to hurl hot dogs.  And now, I DON'T LET THEM, or anyone, soul-snatch again!

The Love That Friendship Knows

My friend, I see, you 've come in need of an arm for your sorrowed head.
And so, sweet friend, here sit by me, a loving arm am I.
Don't sit ever high, do I, as to look down upon you, no instead.
No, on this stool I sit even keel, as so us to look eye in eye.

Nor shall you sit perched higher still, where our hearts would fail connect.
Rather, here we sit level eye to eye, where our souls can message through.
The journey share has now begun, with honest love, true our surest bet.
And feel you will, no lack of wealth untold, can damage the love I offer you.

My dearest friend, your pain and burdens here, leave for a day or so.
Then stronger when, offering you come with an arm for my heavy head.
Because it is, our love is purely more than just your tears of letting go.
Our love, I thank you, equally shared, mostly unspoken, yet always said.

                                                                 - Ryan Roxley